*F* Adopt-A-$cientologist

As they sit there in their tiny cubicles, Jackboot Vera cracking her bullwhip against her leather johdpurs, feverishly typing at 6 terminals each, trying to keep up with the cut and thrust of debate, don't you ever stop and think "If only I could give them something to LIVE for"...well maybe *this* is the solution:

Adopt-A-$cientologist[tm]

Each of us should identify a particular $cientologist who inspires that little extra spark in us...perhaps Woody captivates you with his flowing prose, or maybe Vera's simple down-to-earth frankness and honesty lights your flame. Is it Milne, with his warm, friendly, open style of debate? Or do you feel sorry for little aggy, perhaps, as he struggles to set the left margin on his editor. When we've chosen one, we send them warm and friendly greetings. Find out when their birthdays are and where they live (ask them! They'll be sure to want to tell you) and send them birthday cards. And food parcels - think how boring all that beans'n'rice must get. You could even organise a fund-raising event to let them pay for their next 10 minutes auditing...the possibilities are limitless!!

But what if there aren't enough to go round?

Well, that's no problem: as we all know, there's thousands of us here, posting to a.r.s. But the $cientologists themselves admit that they hugely outnumber us! So, if you just can't quite make up your mind about that cute little cheeky one, or the masterful one in the corner, you can adopt BOTH!! There's plenty to go round!

Steve.
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Moderated soc.religion.$cientology? Just Say No: keep speech free on the 'net!
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stevea@ca | E-Meters! Woody! Hazelnut Yogurt! Vera! | "Is that a clam in your
stlsys.de |   Get It While It's Hotte...Inna Bun!   |  pocket or are you just
mon.co.uk |        alt.religion.$cientology         |  pleased to see me?"