Personal resume

testa@starbase.neosoft.com (Andrew J. Testa)'s pre-employment interview:

> * 1968-1982:
> * 1968-1982: >* Church of Scientology of California
>* Church of Scientology of California >* Duties: "Correction", using various mind control
>* Duties: "Correction", using various mind control >* techniques, of staff and public misapplication of the
>* techniques, of staff and public misapplication of the >* supposedly infallible dogma of the founder of the cult,
>* supposedly infallible dogma of the founder of the cult, >* L. Ron Hubbard.
>* L. Ron Hubbard. >
> >
><stops rubbing chin, rereads passage> >
> >Can you do substitute teaching? Civics classes, maybe?
>Can you do substitute teaching? Civics classes, maybe? Sorry. Never got certified. >
><rummages in a file folder, scans some pages> >
> >How about, uh.. here we are.. Political Consultant, specialist in
>How about, uh.. here we are.. Political Consultant, specialist in >spin control? No? hm....
>spin control? No? hm.... Well ... >How about Texas State Textbook consultant? Civil Service job, good
>How about Texas State Textbook consultant? Civil Service job, good >pay and it's a Republican administration now, good perks.
>pay and it's a Republican administration now, good perks. >hmmmm.....
>hmmmm..... Can I have my own jet on call?

>Network programming executive? Got a few openings there....
>Network programming executive? Got a few openings there.... >great pay, lots of young flesh, but it burns ya out fast... No?
>great pay, lots of young flesh, but it burns ya out fast... No? Could I try it for a month or two? >Well, I don't see anything else.
>Well, I don't see anything else. >
> >* Other Qualifications:
>* Other Qualifications: >* Experienced exorcist
>* Experienced exorcist >
> >
><puts resume down> >Tell ya what. Will you do contract work?
>Tell ya what. Will you do contract work? On a per-thayton basis?

>My mother-in-law has this
>My mother-in-law has this >big statue of the Virgin Mary on her front lawn...more of a shrine actually..
>big statue of the Virgin Mary on her front lawn...more of a shrine actually.. Always in good taste. Brightly painted, I assume? >but she's convinced that it's possessed.
>but she's convinced that it's possessed. She's probably right! Those darn clusters glom onto anything from the R6 implant like flies to ... well, you know.

>Probably has implants from when it
>Probably has implants from when it >was a pile of dead clam-shells being compressed under the ocean floor.
>was a pile of dead clam-shells being compressed under the ocean floor. You mean it has a Genetic Entity? Wow, this could be the find of the century! Clam genetic entities. Berhaps they could be cloned and we could make an ammusement park. "Clam-Land". >If you'd take a look, chase off the spooks, we'll talk fees, OK?
>If you'd take a look, chase off the spooks, we'll talk fees, OK? >/ Andy Testa (KoX) I'm OT! I could KILL you with \
>/ Andy Testa (KoX) I'm OT! I could KILL you with \ I don't even need to leave the comfort of my domicile to do it. I'll use my Oatea power and sap those pesky critters off from right here in beautiful, treelined Glendale. <grunt, squint, sigh> All done. But they'll come back unless you get a 3-year service contract. Lessee ... $1500 for the exorcisms (you tell your mother-in-law they're gone now), and 4 treatments per year for 3 years at the reduced rate of $1250 each. Well, you figure it out and send me a cashier's check. +--------------------------------------+ Rev. Dennis L Erlich * * the inFormer * * dennis.l.erlich@support.com + inForm@primenet.com "tar baby"