Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology

In article <3nrmk4$75@news.bu.edu>, Xenu <xenu@teegeeack.org> wrote:

will be emerging from my underground prison very soon! Watch out,

ubbard! It is time for you and your imebecilic followers to meet your

oom!

This entity is a FALSE XENU! While the real Xenu manifests himself in many forms and can speak through many people, sometimes all at once (it takes a lot of people to run an Overpopulated Galactic Confederacy), a manifestation of the TRUE XENU will NEVER asked to be WORSHIPPED! The TRUE XENU does not want adoration -- he wants to have a GOOD TIME! He wants to CUT LOOSE and KICK OUT THE JAMS! He is forever engaged in the pursuit of PLEASURE, PROFIT, and A REALLY GOOD BEER!

And while he also wants to KICK OUT THE CLAMS, the TRUE XENU will NOT make a big deal out of this. He will NOT make ANNOUNCEMENTS! But he MIGHT throw a BIG PARTY!

I am but one of the MANY TRUE XENUS on Earth today, but I know a FAKE when I see one. Beware, good people of ARS. Only a TRUE XENU can bring forth the SECRET ANTI-Co$ WEAPONS: the CLAM DUNK, CLAMDANCING, and CLAMMY FAYE BAKKER! Xenu!

P.S. You too can INVOKE XENU in the privacy of YOUR OWN HOME! This ANCIENT ELIXIR, when used properly, will bring the POWER AND WILL OF XENU to bear against your enemies! Follow these steps closely:

1. Make sure there's beer in the fridge (ALWAYS have beer in the fridge when summoning XENU!)

2. In a saucepan, mix ONE bottle of Zima with ONE bottle of Zima Gold.

3. Flush it all down the toilet.

4. Have a real beer and wait for the MIGHT of XENU to MANIFEST in your BODY. You MAY have the urge to MASTURBATE. Post at least ONE SCATHING ARTICLE to ARS before doing so.

5. Enjoy! -- xenu@coil.com World Champion Clam Eater, Great Hawaiian Clambake of 74,998,050 B.C. I stole Andy Testa's lunch money. "Hi! I'm a .signature thetan! Put me in your .signature and join the fun!"