i hereby declare myself a reverend of scientology

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by the powers vested in me by the almighty jack shit, i hereby
declare myself a reverend of scientology.  i certainly swear
enough, i'm capable of being a raving, foaming loon on demand, 
i make at least as much noise as the drooling earle cooley,
and my noise at least makes some kind of sense sometimes,
on top of that i just feel like it.

i also declare myself a wizard of persecution and distortion,
a doctor of divinity, a master of dianetics, a nuclear physicist,
a war hero and a part-time messiah with delusions of delirium.

while i'm at it, i hereby found, by the powers vested in me
as a reverend of scientology and a doctor of divinity, the
suppression institute, which is an open university which 
issues degrees only after extensive and well-documented
spoutings of self-declared nonsense.  to get a degree from
the suppression institute, simply declare yourself to have
one, or make up your own damn silly-ass degrees and your
own silly-ass bogus university.

i also hereby renounce all association with the satanic
cult of the subgenius, a genuinely dangerous and criminal
organization, although i still believe in the 'bob' tech
and have had big wins with 'bob.'  

the mother church <drool> is a vicious and corrupt organization
and i renounce it as a bullshit heresy and a lie.

i hereby found the Ineffable Church of the Simonized Skull,
and then dissolve it again until i come up with a better name.

so bite me.  and 'chris,' i am not 'henry the mad bomber.'

i am the REVEREND DOCTOR HENRY HENRY THE MAD BOMBER to YOU, buddy.

h

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