Re: L. RON HUBBARD: WHOPPER-SLINGING LIE-RANGER

In article <3r2pe3$dq5@nyx.cs.du.edu>, anon2c9e@nyx.cs.du.edu (henry) wrote:

>>learned from "a thoroughly insightful Beijing magiccian who represented the
>>learned from "a thoroughly insightful Beijing magiccian who represented the >> last of the line of Chinese magicians from the court of Kublai Kan."
>> last of the line of Chinese magicians from the court of Kublai Kan." >
> >yeah, sure.
>yeah, sure. >
> >in xanadu did kubla khan
>in xanadu did kubla khan >suck my motherfucking dick.
>suck my motherfucking dick. This is obviously where ElRon developed his taste for opiates. I think that the truth of the matter was that he read his Coleridge and thought.. "Cool stuff. I'd best go out and check out the black meat." So, he got one of the servants to cop him a few pipes...

"Where Alph the sacred river ran, Through caverns measureless to man, Out to a sunlit sea...."

"Another pipe, Wog, and be quick about it."

>>watched monks in buddhist lamaseries meditate for weeks on end...
>>watched monks in buddhist lamaseries meditate for weeks on end... Watched hop-heads in the opium dens, nodding for weeks on end.....

>his only comment in his diaries indicates that his
>his only comment in his diaries indicates that his >Great Thought about lamas was that they 'sounded like
>Great Thought about lamas was that they 'sounded like >bullfrogs.'
>bullfrogs.' *Retch!* *Retch!*

"Pass the sick bowl, wog."

>>in the lamaseries, he spent time with the local Tartar tribes and bandits
>>in the lamaseries, he spent time with the local Tartar tribes and bandits >> originally from Mongolia
>> originally from Mongolia Copping opium from them.

>his comments on china were that the problem with it is that
>his comments on china were that the problem with it is that >'there are too many chinks.'
>'there are too many chinks.' "But the drugs here are great..."

>remote pacific island my ass. this sounds like the time
>remote pacific island my ass. this sounds like the time >that l. ron was actually completely sucking as a so-called
>that l. ron was actually completely sucking as a so-called >'commander' of a rag-tag little boat, dropping depth charges
>'commander' of a rag-tag little boat, dropping depth charges >on nothing and then claiming that he sunk submarines.
>on nothing and then claiming that he sunk submarines. Hallucinating, under the effects of opium and morphine -- stolen from the first aid kit.

>what a pathological liar he was!
>what a pathological liar he was! And a hypochondriac as well. Kept lying to doctors for more dope.

>>When he entered GWU he was "an expert in many different cultures-from
>>When he entered GWU he was "an expert in many different cultures-from >> Philippine pygmies to the kayan shamans of Borneo to the Chamorros of.
>> Philippine pygmies to the kayan shamans of Borneo to the Chamorros of. He knew every single copping zone in the east.

>> Guam." (as an explanation for why he was in the wrong major...)
>> Guam." (as an explanation for why he was in the wrong major...) >> (they seem to make excuses for his college career, but don't mention
>> (they seem to make excuses for his college career, but don't mention >> why...gosh couldn't be that he failed out...)
>> why...gosh couldn't be that he failed out...) His habit was getting the better of him. Tried to do a run to Columbia on a big sail ship, but the half-witted students he brought as crew got scared and slung the contraband overboard. That was it. He had to leave school or his dope synicate would have lynched him.

>>"And Following an elaborate series of experiments of early 1938, he made a
>>"And Following an elaborate series of experiments of early 1938, he made a >> breakthrough of magnitude: he isolated the common denominator of
>> breakthrough of magnitude: he isolated the common denominator of >> existence: SURVIVE"
>> existence: SURVIVE" Shared with Crowley and Parsons an interest in fucking young girls while using loads of drugs. Legitimized this debauchery by calling it _an experiment_. Like many junkies, ran off with his best pals girl and all of his dough. SURVIVE indeed!

>>Wrote "Excalibur" in the first weeks of 1938. (wouldn't this place it before
>>Wrote "Excalibur" in the first weeks of 1938. (wouldn't this place it before >> the experiments???)
>> the experiments???) >>"...more than a few publishers eagerly sought to publish it." (excalibur)
>>"...more than a few publishers eagerly sought to publish it." (excalibur) Wrote a whole bunch of stuff so perverted that the courts in Florida wouldn't read it into the record. Thought that the whole of the human race where his slaves. Subsequently managed to persuade a few kooks that this was true.

>>"In 1945, left partially blind with injured opric nerves and lame from hip and
>>"In 1945, left partially blind with injured opric nerves and lame from hip and >> back injuries..."
>> back injuries..." Spent a bit of time in the Navy, raiding the first aid boxes on the ships. Got fired.

>>At war's end did intensive research on 400 people...including disturbed
>>At war's end did intensive research on 400 people...including disturbed >> inmates in Savannah, Georgia...and cured himself...
>> inmates in Savannah, Georgia...and cured himself... Ended up in a psychiatric ward in some Vets hospital doing a detox. The first of many. Tried to bullshit about being disabled by war wounds in an attempt to sting them for more dough. A junkie's income is never enough.

>>His "The Original Thesis" became known around the world from people passing
>>His "The Original Thesis" became known around the world from people passing >> around copies of it...then he published stuff...
>> around copies of it...then he published stuff... >
> Came up with the first phase of his big 'Start a religion' scam that was to give him unlimited drug budgets from here on in.

>
> >>Psychs tried to suppress Dianetics cause they are SPs...so he had to publish
>>Psychs tried to suppress Dianetics cause they are SPs...so he had to publish >> the book...
>> the book... Got really wacked out on Pinks and Greys and wrote the OT levels -- all that kooky stuff about Marcabs and Xenu. When he got back from Morocco, where he'd written these scriptures, his habit was wildly out of control. So he came up with some bullshit about taking niacin and oil and vitamins and sweating the crap out. The fool convinced himself that this had got him clean, so he decided to capitalize on it -- started the Purification Rundown and Narconon. Decided that other addicts like him would be easily duped into the cult and those that didnt have wealthy parents could always work as slave labour.

Started using the dope again. Uppers and downers. The commodore was rarely seen without a needle in his arm and a 14 year old messenger on his lap. Sadly, the drugs had made him impotent, so the messengers had a lucky escape from Uncle Ron's Trouser Snake.

The coke made him paranoid, so he went into hiding while the Cult fell into his protege -- Poodleboy Miscavige. Poodleboy saw to it that the rapidly declining ElRon had plenty of chemical supplies, while he set to, rifling through the Co$ coffers.

It was _his_ turn now. They used to tease him for being short. What did _they_ know. Only he had full control of Ron. It was him that helped him when he 'dropped the body' (it made a change from the incontinent old bastard dropping his guts) and now HE was in charge.

Napoleon was a small man as well. That was how he thought of himself. Not the Commodore -- that was Ron's title -- but the Colonel, or was it Kernel? He wasn't that good at spelling -- never made it past 10th grade. But he was the Napoleon of Colonels -- or was it Kernels?

That's right, all bow down before me, heir to Ron's empire, me, Poodleboy Miscavige, the Napoleon of Kernels, the Napoleon of Nuts!

1.0 

2.0