A Day in the Life of MicroSquish (tm) Org

"We need to increase the investment throughput", he said, as he ingested another dose of Coke(tm). He paused, waiting for the rush that he claimed made him a clear thinker.

"I know." I'll get them to pay to be Operating Betans! They shall have the know Truth(tm) before all others, and get rid of the nasty programs now hanging around their neck!"

His associates, who had gotten rich along with LBG, all applauded their master's wisdom. They all had shares in MS, and wanted nothing more than to increase them. They knew that the illusion of an always- out-of-reach higher operating level was their product, their carrot and their stick both. Sometimes LBG would tell them the history of Win-GLow (TM), of how the idea all began a long time ago, of the mysterious Xerox(tm). At first the system was to be called "Doors", because it would "open new doors" for users. But there were problems opening new doors on the screen, the on-screen actuators, in the shape of doorknobs, would stick. "Tell us about the doorknobs, Billy!", they would shout. But Billy was strangely silent.

"We need to get more raw geeks using our product", ruminated LBG. "I want you to flood the nets with press releases telling them how their lives will improved. Don't answer questions, just tell them how wonderful it will be when they are clear of all bad programs. Ask them if they want to be in a condition of Warp, or stuck in the dross age forever, running their programs over and over."

LBG left for the world HQ of MS, to inspire the troops, the cannon fodder in his march to world domination. He visited his Visual C++ Org- anization, and told them to remember to "obfuscate clarity".

Then on to the Win-Glow division, the cash cow of MS:

"I know people are saying our system is too complicated, that it doesn't hang together, that it is made of bits of pieces of other systems, that it is too complex to understand."

"Good! If they can't explain it to others, they will all have to come to _us_ for enlightenment. We will write thick manuals that nobody can understand, littering them with TLAs. And then we will say it is _their_ fault that they can't understand, that they have to start at a lower level, and we shall sell them Dobb as an add-on to Win-Glow ('Win, and get a glow, with Win-Glow Operating System'). Dobb will cut them some slack, and offer His Wisdom as they start to operate at a higher level. Well, a higher level compared to a squirrel, maybe. These people have water on the brain, we'll sell them some diurectics to make them think straight! Maybe we'll even include Dobb as a part of MS Home Orifice."

"So come on guys, get your ars in gear! Work to spread the word of MIcroSquish. I have seen the future. Their shall be agents to do our bidding, and we must make them work. Never let it be said that MS is producing dead agents."

"Perfection is our goal and our product. Our system must not blow up when used. And though we carry the burden of our past programs, with the new, improved Win-Glow 95, ALL will become clear."

At that moment, a lackey scurried up to whisper in LBG's ear:

"There's a guy here from the FTC - something about an auditing session?"

Dan McKinnon