Hi, I need your help!

Hi everybody!

My name is Bob Marcus, but you can call me Robert. I have a problem, and I'm hoping to get you to help me.

The sad truth of the matter is that I'm a fornicating weasel. I have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. I've tried seeking professional help at my local Science shop, but all they do is stick this long electrode up my butt and scream "CLEAR!" at me. Not that I'm complaining about this, especially when I see all of the big wins that the other guys have. It's just really distracting, and I never seem to improve.

Well, anyway, I'm hoping that some of you will have some ideas on what I can do to improve my personality. It's gotten so bad that I've actually started to threaten people I've never met, many of whom might actually be dangerous, somewhat unstable and prone to violence. Some of them might even have criminal records *already*! I know this has got to stop, but I can't help myself. Can you? Whatever will I do? I asked my good friend Woody, but he just showed me his noodle and screamed, "BIGOTS REPENT! REPENT I SAY!" I asked RonArtistR, but he just laughed and laughed, and told me that he was far too busy and happy to help.

So, please help if you can. I will definitely not be posting here again.

Thank you. I love you all. Wow! I really mean that: Wow! -- Bob... Sorry. Robert Marcus A useless human being. -AKA- troutman@teleport.com

"Gosh, folks, this message is like, satire, like, artistic expression, so if there were a 'ho out there on the net that wanted to, like, sue me, she can pretty much go fuck herself now. None of the above comments should be considered truth or fact in any way, or in any way representative of someone else's actual speech. HAHAHAHAHAHA!" - Troutman. That would be me.